Feelings are contagious

by Wanda on June 17, 2013

In 2005, the popular Discovery Channel TV show, “Mythbusters,” found determined that yawning IS contagious. Mythbusters, a science-based television program whose purpose was to test myths and urban legends to “bust” the false ones confirmed that yawning if in fact contagious.

The V-formation that birds fly is is just one example of “limbic resonance”

Despite that most people can say they’ve experienced a yawning contagion, many argued this fact because it seems to go against rationality–it doesn’t make sense that one should get an involuntary impulse just because someone else around has that impulse. How can it be that our bodies activate in this way? It’s a phenomenon called, “limbic resonance;” it’s the subconscious syncing between people.

If we look in the animal kingdom, we see it often. That birds are able to take turns flying at the front of a V without communicating, that certain fish only ovulate when there are male fish around, that meerkats can all be scuttling around without bumping into each other are all examples of limbic resonance.

Amongst humans this appears in how two close friends will have similar facial expressions when they talk, a mother and baby will sync hearbeats during embrace, and probably the strangest of all, women living together for an extended period of time will time their periods together. Yawning being contagious is just the tip of the iceberg.

Limbic resonance is one of the most important phenomena for our survival. Us modern humans often forget that we are pack animals. The big cities we live in are just technologically advanced tribes. We tend to sync up emotionally with people we’re close to because it’s more effective for a tribe to want to do the same thing at the same time. One person laughs with joy, everyone might as well. If one person is yawning with fatigue, the whole group. If one person is running from a predator…well you get the idea.

What’s most important to recognize that just about every feeling you have is being transmitted to others. In the next post we’ll talk about how to use this to your advantage.

Shopping Skills: Sneaker Edition

by Wanda on June 12, 2013

Sneakerhead (noun): A person with great enthusiasm and knowledge for sneakers, particularly exclusive or unique sneakers.

You probably aren’t a sneakerhead. (If you are you don’t need this post.) Sneakers, also more commonly known as tennis shoes outside of the Northeast and Southern California, are probably the more versatile and comfortable footwear option for any season. Here are some great ways to score some awesome kicks for you and the family, especially if you’re on a budget.

First, what are your needs?

New Balance sneakers are versatile walking shoes for the occasional runner.

Most of the country calls shoes with rubber soles, tennis shoes. Tennis shoes are poorly named. They apply to far more than just tennis. While the basic essence of any sneaker is the same, there is a form for every function. Do you have any athletic requirements? If they are serious, you probably already have sport-specific shoes. If you are a casual athlete, find a wider comfier shoe in the sport specific section. Flat-soled basketball shoes or cross trainers are usually a safe bet. Especially for children, if you can find the right form for their function, one pair of shoes is usually good for school and play.

Next, find the best deals.

Shoe shopping for the whole family can be an expensive headache, especially if your kids have picky tastes. Even when it comes to high quality athletic shoes, your shoe budget shouldn’t have to go over $90 for high quality or even $50 for the kids. You just need to know where to look.

One of the best sites to make the whole process easier on you is Zappos.com. They offer all the brands at a competitive rate and have free shipping both ways. This is huge for purchasing shoes online. If you find they don’t fit or you don’t like the style, it’s easy to send them back for an exchange.

Where the Wild Things Are

by Wanda on June 10, 2013

Max in Where the Wild Things Are

If you’ve been on Google today, you’d know that today is the birthday of Maurice Sendak, beloved author of the children’s book, “Where the Wild Things Are.” Published in 1963 and winning the Caledecott medal in 1964, the book has since sold almost 20 million copies worldwide. It was later made into an animated short in 1974 and even an opera in 1980. Many of you probably read the book as a child and read it again as parents, and possibly again as grandparents. Besides entertaining multiple generations, “Where the Wild Things Are” and Maurice Sendak’s work carries heavy significance in the history of Children’s books and American Literature as a whole.

The book as initially banned from libraries when it was first published. This was during the Disney era of children’s books all carrying the morals of angelic fairy tales where the main characters were virtuous, the world was beautiful, and every story had a happy ending. Many parents disliked that the main character, Max, was a naughty boy with a lot of anger. Furthermore, parents felt that the drawings of the monsters known as “wild things” were too grotesque for kids. Oddly enough, Sendak modeled the drawings after caricatures he made of his aunts and uncles many years before. Despite the criticisms, the book’s popularity amongst children forced libraries and critics to relax their panning of the book.

“What makes Sendak’s book so compelling is its grounding effect: Max has a tantrum and in a flight of fancy visits his wild side, but he is pulled back by a belief in parental love to a supper ‘still hot,’ balancing the seesaw of fear and comfort.” –Mary Pols of TIME magazine

The draw of Sendak’s stories were in it’s reality. Sendak made his stories scary because according to him, he didn’t “believe in childhood.”

“I don’t believe in childhood. I don’t believe there’s a demarcation of ‘you mustn’t tell them this, you mustn’t tell them that.’ You tell them anything you want.” –Maurice Sendak

So instead he “told it like it is.” It was some of the most refreshing work of children’s literature, perhaps second only to Dr. Seuss. Maurice Sendak died last year in May, but his work will live forever in how we view childhood. Don’t shelter your kids in sugar and spice. Let them see where the wild things are.

How to Buy a Hat

by Wanda on June 7, 2013

From the late 1800s up until the 60′s, men all wore hats. We’re not sure why they fell out of style. Some say it was the hippies of the 60′s. Other claim that JFK was to blame when he was the first president to be inaugurated without a head cover. Who knows what causes fashion shifts? All we know is that the hat is making a comeback.

Bruno Mars tilts his hat back with his casual leather jacket.
Also, the smaller brim fits his smaller frame.

DRESSING FOR THE HAT

The hat has one of the biggest effects on your overall silhouette. Most fashion experts say that you should treat the hat as an accessory, not an article of clothing. Create your outfit first, then get the hat to match.

The same hat can go with different outfits depending on the wear. With formalwear, tip it forward and cock it to the side. With casual attire, tilt the hat back for a more laidback look.

MATCH THE SHAPE OF YOUR FACE

If you have an oval face, porkpie hats look great. Rounder faces look great with the flat top.

Narrow faces go well pinched fronts. The tighter the pinch, the better it will accentuate the thinness of a face.

Squarer jaws go well with applejack or newsboy caps. Caps tend to make a face look more boyish, so you need a very masculine jaw to pull it off. Facial hair helps.

Hugh Jackman has the large wolverine fram perfect for a wide brim

BRIM SIZE

Brim size your roughly match the overall size of the body. Smaller framed guys will look childish with thick brims. Bigger framed guys will look heavy with a short brim.

COLOR

Color selection for a man’s hat is pretty straightforward: match the hair. Dark hair, dark hat. Light hair, tweeds are excellent. Salt and pepper, try gray.

BLOCKED OR UN-BLOCKED?

“Blocked” hats are fancier and firmer hats. They are called such because during creation they are set on a wooden block, wet, set, and steam dried for a stiff feeling that requires generous upkeep. If you’re into top notch style and don’t mind high-maintenance go for a blocked hat. Otherwise, un-blocked hats are much cheaper, easier to to maintain, and can be folded. They just don’t look quite as impressive.

Don Draper clearly goes “blocked.”

True Desire is Demonstrated by Attainment

by Wanda on June 5, 2013

True desire is demonstrated by attainment.

That’s a hard proverb for many to swallow. The circumstances of a person’s life is what they actually want, good, bad, or ugly. It suggests that even if a person thinks that he or she doesn’t like where he or she is, some part of the person really does want to be there. That can be confronting and depressing. However it also means that if a person loves where he or she is at, that person is where they truly want to be.

If want to see what a person really wants, see what they already have. This suggests that we all have an internal locus of control. The locus of control is your perceived cause of the effects of our life. If you have an external locus of control, you believe that whatever you’ve acquired or attained was up to chance, external forces, or other people. If you have an internal locus of control, you know the truth that YOU are the cause of everything in your life.

The victor is whomever wants it more.

A different take on this is that the victor is the one who really wants it. People who don’t really want to be rich tend to spend all their cash whenever they get a lot of it. People who really do want to be popular will be out amongst people at every opportunity. It all comes down to true desire vs projected desire, which will be the topic of a future post.

The first step to freedom is accepting that your internal workings have led to everything about you: your family life, social life, financial life, and career. Take responsibility for all that is bad. Take credit for all that is good. The only way to attain more and more is to desire more and more.

The Dangers of Compromise

by Wanda on June 3, 2013

One of the most underrated evils in parenting, relationships, and work is the compromise. The worst part is that many parents and teachers and much of society teaches us that compromise is a good thing. Here’s why compromise is bad for you and your relationships, and why you better not teach it as a virtue to your children.

We think compromise is good because we have this strange notion in society that denying ourselves what we want is somehow “noble” or “generous,” especially when we deny ourselves for the benefit of someone else. We have the even worse idea that there is some sort of “greater good” in two people selling short on what they want. Compromise doesn’t serve the other person, it actually makes your relationship suffer. There is a simple reason why:

Compromise breeds resentment.

When you have to settle for less to appease someone else, you start to resent that person. It’s nothing to be ashamed of or fight against, it’s a natural human response. To deny your resentment is even worse. Denial only breeds further resentment. Compromising puts a burden on each compromiser so that they both feel entitled. Think about the last time you compromised. Didn’t it feel bad?

Instead of compromising, seek win-win. The idea of win-win and compromise unfortunately get confused. Compromise isn’t win-win, it’s lose-lose. A win-win solution is one where the two parties stand to get more of their desire by interacting with the other. Finding these solutions is often much harder and requires creativity. Sometimes there is no such solution available and that’s ok too. Agreeing to disagree, or even agreeing to end in conflict is better than each person selling short. What’s most important is letting the truth out. Stating the truth, even if its “we can’t work together,” “I feel we should do things this way,” or “I don’t like what you’re doing here is better than pretending to get along.

It requires more courage to play this way, but it best way to play. Don’t fool yourself that compromise is a good thing. Please don’t teach it to children as if it was a virtue. It’s not. The cleanest thing to do is to be clear about your desires and stick around to negotiate the consequences.

Should you get a timeshare?

by Wanda on May 31, 2013

According to the American Resort Development Agency (The ARDA), which is in charge of the American timeshare industry, time share sales hit about $8.5 billion dollars per year. As of 2005, 4.1 million American households own at least one timeshare. The beginning of the summer is a hot time for the timeshare salespeople. They know you are thinking about vacations.

HOW TIMESHARES WORK:

The term “timeshare” covers any sort of vacation ownership where you share the costs with other people for a fraction of the time per year. Typically the “shares” are broken into week-long increments. Each share allows the owner use of one week of use of the property per year, and own 1/51st of the property. The standard is for there to be 51 shares with one week of maintenance by the maintenance company.

SHOULD YOU EVEN CONSIDER IT?

Pros:

They tend to be good properties. In order to be sold multiple times, they have to be. Even those adamantly against timeshares such as the author of “Scam School” and “Easy Money,” Chuck Whitlock, say that timeshares tend to be valuable properties.
The costs are less than buying it. Of course they are. The idea behind a timeshare is that you share the time.

Cons:

Time share companies are known for shady sales tactics.
Sometimes owning a time share costs more than a person would spend going to a regular resort.
The timeshare is a fixed property so you would have to vacation in the same location every year. For some, this can get boring.

A TIMESHARE IS RIGHT FOR YOU IF…

It’s the perfect location for you and you wouldn’t mind visiting it every year. It’s a more of a second home with limited access than a vacation “spot.”
You have no financial problems. The only way to get value from it is to visit the share every year. It’s a large expenditure and there rarely is a return on investment.
You normally spend upwards of $150/night on vacations. If you spend less than that normally, you’d actually be spending more on the timeshare than you’re used to.

The importance of touch

by Wanda on May 29, 2013

Have you ever met someone who loves hugs and touching people? They are usually extremely friendly, happy, well-adjusted people. They are pleasant to be around and bring calmness to social situations. On the other hand have you met people who hate being hugged? Those people are usually crabbier, less friendly, and often have some sort of anxiety.

The difference between those two kinds of people are their levels of a natural brain chemical known as oxytocin. Oxytocin is known as the “cuddle drug.” It’s the hormone that is associated with feelings of connection, inclusion, and intimacy. Oxytocin is one of the most important chemicals we need, but few are aware of how necessary it is for physical health, mental health, and happiness.

Chances are, you’re getting oxytocin just by looking at this

Sadly, few are aware that they need their oxytocin. Low levels of oxytocin are associated with depression, social anxiety, and fatigue. Long term oxytocin deficit can result in decreased organ function, mental pathologies, and poorer gene expression. Oxytocin is so important that if a newborn doesn’t get enough oxytocin from being touched, it will shortly die.

Luckily it’s very easy to get an oxytocin fix. The brain creates oxytocin in activities that connect us to people and living things: laughing, touching, eye contact, sex, and cuddling. It has been shown that even looking at something considered “cute” will raise oxytocin levels in the brain. Parents and babies get large oxytocin spikes when they look at each other. Dog owners and their dogs also get the same oxytocin increase. It’s been found that depression in children can be alleviated by giving them a dog. Being in the company of a dog raises the child’s oxytocin and can help the kid feel more comfortable around people.

If you’ve been feeling crabby, lonely, or easily irritated lately, think about how often you touch people, hug people, or laugh with people? It may be as simple as your brain starving for oxytocin. Do you body and mind a favor. Get your cuddle fix!

Fire it up! Grilling Tips

by Wanda on May 27, 2013

Today is Memorial Day, where we remember those who served in combat in protecting the United States. It’s important that we remember that because of the sacrifices of brave men and women, we can safely enjoy fun in the sun as our right as Americans. Also remember that the best way to commemorate the fallen is to make sure their sacrifice was worth it by fully enjoying our freedom.

That being said, most of us choose to celebrate Memorial Day by barbecuing. To make sure you do it right, here are some tips to make sure your cookout goes as well as possible.

SAFETY:

Grilling accidents are no joke and happen more often that you realize. If you use a gas grill especially, make sure you follow the proper procedures. Hit ignition only with the grill open to prevent a blast. For any grill type, keep a water spray bottle handy in case of flare up.

In terms of meat safety, wash any raw meat before cooking. Also make sure you don’t let raw meat touch cooked meat, or use the same plates. To be extra safe, use different utensils to handle the raw meat so you don’t get germs on the cooked food. Steaks can be rare, but always cook burgers to medium. They should be at least 160 degrees internally.

FLAVOR:

To prevent burning or blackening, only apply barbecue sauces, or oils in the last ten minutes of cooking. Liquids, especially tomato based sauces tend to burn easily. Also add salt only at the end to prevent the meat from being dehydrated.

People all have their own taste and many like to sauce their own meat. Err on the side of less condiments, and leave a lot of sauces out so they can create their own adventure.

FUN:

If you’re hosting, make sure you’re doing your rounds. You don’t want to get stuck behind the grill all afternoon. You can always put an eager guest in front of the flames to keep an eye on them. Or make your set up so that people can hang out by you. It’s important to make sure you attend your own party.

What color is your mood ring?

by Wanda on May 24, 2013

Many esoteric practices regard colors as corresponding energies. In Ayurvedic medicine for example, blue is calmness and clarity, green is compassion. Most of us who don’t believe in those practices usually won’t consider the power of color beyond a mood ring. However color has more regarded implications than we may realize.

Color psychologists consider red as an “excitement” color. Red attracts attention and raises the energy of a person. Supposedly this reaction makes people hungry, which is why if you look at the logos of food distributors (McDonald’s, Burger King, Wendy’s, In and Out, Friendly’s, Costco,) you will see red.

Businesses take this finding so seriously that some insurance companies will charge higher rates for red cars. A study by the St. Petersburg Times in 1990 showed that red cars were attributed for a disproportionate amount of speeding tickets. There are a few interpretations for this. A color psychologist may say that the red paint excites the driver and gives him an incites him to drive faster. Another theory is that sports cars tend to be red because it’s flashy, and sports cars get driven faster. Yet another theory is that the type of person who speeds, also is attracted to red cars.

Either way, there seems to be good reason to pay attention to the colors in your surrounding. Feng Shui, the art of interior decorating/arrangement for positive energy, says to never paint your bedroom red, for the same reason the color psychologists do. Red excites you and will make it hard to sleep. Red, yellow, and orange are “fire” colors that are better for a home office or gym where you want to be energized. Water colors like blue are much better for calming you to sleep. A lot of is in intuitive really. Green makes you think of nature. Black makes you think of death. Yellow is sunshine. What color is your mood ring?

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