In the last post we spoke about Prisoner’s Dilemma and how in many situation with people, what’s collectively good and what’s individually enticing are often at odds. It’s the reason why our society is built on competition rather than collaboration. There’s nothing wrong with competition. There is a time and place for it. However, within a team, organization, or family, closing off and going for the selfish win will hurt you and the group in the long run.
Here are some examples in which we hurt ourselves by not being vulnerable:
- Billy doesn’t tell Sally that he likes her because he’s afraid of rejection. Instead he plays it cool around her. He finds out later that Sally liked him the whole time, but was afraid to show it. They both ended up in the Nash Equilibrium of no relationship.
- Jane is afraid of her boss’s disapproval so she avoids him. In response, he gives her a hard time since she comes off as arrogant. If she just let him know about her insecurity, he wouldn’t be so hard on her and they’d get along better.
- Christine wants to seem perfect to her son when he’s young so she projects all-knowingness. As her son grows up, he realize his Mom’s half-truths and doesn’t trust anything she says in the future.
The need to “look cool” prevents us from connection. Instead of interacting with the real person we interact with the persona the person puts up through our own false persona. The antidote to this is vulnerability.
Many people confuse vulnerability with weakness. Nothing can be further from the truth. True power is vulnerability. Only a person who is secure with themselves can lead with vulnerability. That’s what you are doing to allow people to connect with you on a deep level. LEADING with vulnerability. Once you disarm and show your cooperation, you give permission to everyone else to do the same.