My daughter was sick yesterday and had to miss a trip to the playground with her brothers. As she cried out a torrent of snot and tears, I told her that what she was experiencing was FOMO. Fear of Missing Out, aptly turned into an acronym by her fratty uncle, my younger brother, is a common emotion felt by both children and adults. Children like my daughter get it when there are kids having more fun than they are. Us grown ups get FOMO when our neighbors go on a vacation that we can’t afford, or have  a job that we envy.

FOMO is just a specific label for anxiety. Anxiety is felt whenever we feel we’re “out of groove,” as in, we’re not doing what we SHOULD be doing. The “should” is the key element for the fear of missing out. We think we “should” do the best thing for us to do. To do anything other than what we “should” do, is what we “shouldn’t” do. The Jones’ went to St. Thomas this summer, so we “should” too. If we’re not going on vacation, we’re missing out. My daughter was getting upset because she knew that she enjoys the park, her brothers were having fun at the park, and therefore she “should” be at the park too.

I taught her a little reframe that helped me in life when I’d get FOMO for all the things other people were doing and I wasn’t. It is, “the best place to be is here.” That’s a little vague for a five year old so I translated it into it’s equivalents: “You are the party,” “Heaven is where you are sitting,” and “Everyone else is missing out on what you’re doing.”

I was surprised at how well she took it. I made her hot cocoa and we stayed in and drew pictures together. We had so much fun that by the time her Dad and brothers came home from the park, she totally forgot. If anything her little brother was a bit envious that he missed out on drawing.

Happiness is about getting the most out of your moments wherever you are and with whatever you have. There are a million things you can be doing right this second. If you think about the 999,999 things you’re not doing, you will miss out on the one thing you are doing. The only thing to fear missing out on is what you’re doing right now.