We need to level something with you. My Shop Discounts needs help. Despite offering some of the best coupons, samples, and cash back from some of the top retailers, our office requires new leadership. Morale is low and we are underperforming. We need a highly-motivated, highly skilled leader to bring us back up. What we need is a better CSO, and Chief Snack Officer.

Features and Compensation:

• Work from home. We will build you a corner office.
• Unlimited candy use.
• Quarterly performance bonuses.
• Generous stock options.
• 4-6 weeks vacations, and optional Mondays off.
• $100k+ salary.

Requirements:

• 6-8 years experience ordering food.
• Excellent communication skills, even when hungry.
• Must be able to discern peanut M&Ms from regular.
• Must be able to discern regular M&Ms from crunchy.
• Ability to articulate the nutritional value of all different food groups.
• Ability to manage various groups of hungry people.

Snacks are the number one correlated feature when it comes to office performance. Our company depends on it. Unsalted nuts, and knock-off candy has brought us almost to strike. If you think you have the right qualifications send a resume and headshot to aprilfools@myshopdiscounts.com