I love my friends. We’re a tight knit group that has been together for years. Our kids are about the same age. Three of us were actually pregnant at the same time. They are always there for me when I need them in good times and bad. But sometimes in those medium times, it gets to be much. I mean, when your personal life gets busy, it’s kind of hard to keep track of everyone else’s. Of course, when you don’t, you end up upsetting your friends.

My husband doesn’t have that problem. Of course not. He’s a man. Men don’t feel the obligation. My husband has his close set of friends, but when they don’t feel like talking, they don’t. My husband always laughs at me when I spend more time thinking about my friends’ doings than I do about my own. He says the only reason why women end up getting overly caught up in their social lives is because they set up the expectation of always being available. (Then he’ll say something insensitive and we’ll get into a feminist-chauvinist argument which is nothing if not amusing at this point in our marriage, but I digress.)

“If I’m on time today, they’ll expect me to by on time every day”

I realized he does have a point (not a very big point, but still a point.) I have to respond to every text message in timely fashion because that is the expectation between my friends and I. My husband can go months without talking to his friends because they have “trained” each other to not expect regular communication. Granted, their one-track brains probably can’t handle as much communication, but there is still value in it.

There was a Malcolm in the Middle episode many years ago where the delinquent son Reese chose to be late for the first day of school because “If I’m on time on day one, they’ll expect me to be on time every day.” This concept can be translated to your kids, family, relationship, or even work. You train people on their expectations of you every time you do something. I’m not saying you have people lower your standards, but not being miss perfect all the time can make life easier for you.